My tweets

• Sun, 15:18: Sitting on the rocker feeling like garbage, when Iliana just said "Here, hold my hand. It's okay to be alive." And then she BIT me.
• Sun, 17:35: I was talking about how much a chocolate pie would make me feel better, and now there is one cooling in the pantry. My husband is gorgeous.
• Sun, 19:38: RT @refugeingrief: http://t.co/zzYPY6pTMl
• Sun, 20:03: And here's the husband pie! I was right. It does make me feel better. ;) http://t.co/il4Tv3xdwN
• Sun, 23:13: Ambition is Overrated http://t.co/zb2dY0aN0F #amwriting #fireswamptribe
• Mon, 08:50: Ambition is Overrated http://t.co/1x2zhrOwme #fireswamptribe #amwriting
• Mon, 08:51: RT @Courtney_Conant: Writers and Reviewers is out! http://t.co/g7kSDz5nEG Stories via @EmilToth @runningnekkid @Inked_in_Noir
• Mon, 11:23: You know how you work yourself up to near tears about making a phone call and then when you do it's an anticlimactic NBD? Yeah, that.
• Mon, 11:25: Also, I just had the most rambly, useless brain vomit therapy session ever. And that is saying so much, you guys. My brain is barfing.

Ambition is Overrated

Lately I've been really ingesting the fact that this blog is my own little ceiling full of static cling balloons. Okay, so maybe it's cost me more than two dollars, but it is the thing I do just for the pure, ridiculous joy of it. Other times, like this week as I blog through another episode of depression, it is the place where I come to release all of my pent up energy. Where I come to crash around and scream and be messy.

And after a time spent playing here, I can act at least a little more human.

I've been blogging here for four years or so now and I've always struggled with impostor syndrome laden stage fright. I've felt like I've had to have a thing to say if I was going to bother saying anything at all. And I've posted a shitton of things here that I don't really consider things A lot of cruft in between the posts that I am really, truly proud to have written. I've always tried to be okay with that. This whole blog's just my personal writing experiment, after all. But I never truly bought into that.

And now I think I might be starting to.

- See more at: http://www.runningnekkid.com/content/ambition_overrated#sthash.GZJcfsDP.dpuf

On The Illusion of Epiphanies

I will never undo my tangles of grief. There are too many of them, and they reach down too deep. Every time I feel like I've worked through a layer of anguish, I see ten more knots of painful, lonely heartbreak.

This chasm I'm in is as endless as it is awful. There is no bottom to which I can get in order to fully untangle myself. No epiphany I can have to unlearn all of my most harmful, terrible lessons. It's just maintenance mode, from here on out. The long, ugly road of carrying on.

This is actual healing. It's uglier and more tedious than they showed me in movies. Far less sensible than self help books would have me believe. It's painful and repetitive and a whole shitload of trouble. It's really fucking lonely, too.

- See more at: http://www.runningnekkid.com/content/illusion_epiphanies#new