You're Not Fully McLean

Today is my lax day, when I don't have any appointments or classes and I am left to my own devices for a few solid hours. The rest of this week is especially busy so I'm trying to make it count. It still feels goofy to say things like that since when I actually look at my calendar so much of my schedule seems leisurely. 

Tomorrow I walk Greenlake with a friend, then I have a float tank session, then I have Physical Therapy. Of all of those, only PT sounds like a "real" appointment, but the other two are actually part of managing my condition so if I skip them, PT is extra garbage. Ex-traaaaaaa.

Wednesday is hula, which is two hours since I go early for extra help and the one hour class always runs long. Two hours of hula is tough, you guys. The instructor may call a Ki'i Wawae an "enter" (wtf) but she still makes you do them. I leave straight from there to pick up Iliana since every Wednesday is early dismissal. Every Wednesday. (Also wtf) Wednesday evenings I go to Aqua Fit with my sister and we sweat in a pool with other hobbling women who are doing our darndest to maintain functional fitness. 

Thursday is acupuncture and therapy which is plenty after the bigness of Wednesday. I used to walk Greenlake on Thursdays, too, and I need to start that back up again but I haven't been able to make it work for a few months.

Friday is another lax day so I added a float tank session. It is literally relaxing and all, but it's still an appointment to remember. And then this week I have a haircut (finally!) plus an appointment at the UW Pain Clinic, which I'm skeptical about. I'll report back on that next week or whatever.

Between all that I try to practice my hula every day (except Wednesdays omg) for an hour. Or, well, I was doing an hour before my surgery and I'm trying to build back up to that but I haven't broken the twenty minute mark yet. I also try to do at least some of my PT exercises. I was doing an hour of PT a day but since I picked up the hula I've all but dropped that. I need to pick that up again because otherwise, wtf is the point of PT. 

I need to start getting massages regularly, which sounds lovely in my head, but is actually kind of a nightmare. The schwannomatosis makes my muscles so tight all the time so I need those massages where they basically beat you and you wait for the sweet release of death, and then maybe three days later you feel better. And there are so many raw nerve spots on my body so when a massage therapist digs in there...well. It's not relaxing that's for sure. 

Anyway. 

I am so consumed by managing my pain that there is little time for anything else. I mean, sure, I'm still doing familial responsibility shit, but I can't do most chores for very long before my hand turns murderous. I do what I can every day, but of course it's not a lot. So mostly I vacuum the spot where I'm going to do hula or whatever, and ignore everything else. It's one way to approach this, I guess.

I felt like I could do more in Hawai'i, but of course that's not true. We had housekeeping come every day which made the living situation seem far less bleak. Less disabled and dirty. I mean, I did do a lot in Hawai'i, but I didn't have to come home to a totally neglected house after it all so I felt lighter, Well, that and the joy of being with my family. Plus the copious amounts of vitamin D my body has had to do without for these past decades. That all helped. And now, back to none of that. 

Okay I'm going to practice my hula now. Tell me what's going on with you.