On The Illusion of Epiphanies

[celeste_noelani]

I will never undo my tangles of grief. There are too many of them, and they reach down too deep. Every time I feel like I've worked through a layer of anguish, I see ten more knots of painful, lonely heartbreak.

This chasm I'm in is as endless as it is awful. There is no bottom to which I can get in order to fully untangle myself. No epiphany I can have to unlearn all of my most harmful, terrible lessons. It's just maintenance mode, from here on out. The long, ugly road of carrying on.

This is actual healing. It's uglier and more tedious than they showed me in movies. Far less sensible than self help books would have me believe. It's painful and repetitive and a whole shitload of trouble. It's really fucking lonely, too.

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