Bodies, drugs, and poop.
May. 17th, 2018 11:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
celeste_noelani I am getting super frustrated with the weight thing because I feel like all I do is PT exercises and hula. I mean, obviously that is not all I do, but still. I am trying so hard to take care of my body but it's just not...manifesting. It's not that I want to lose weight or size exactly, but damn. Being middle aged plus disabled is tough goddamn shit. Do not recommend.
And I am trying so hard! I have never been so in tune with my body as I am right now. Well, except for all those times I dropped acid and was in tune with all creation, but that only counts for so much. I mean, acid.
I actually miss doing psychedelics. It felt like what I've read some folks feel when they're under a weighted blanket. I can recapture that feeling sometimes with meditation and blah blah blah but I am pulled out of it so easily. I did acid a lot when Dad was paralyzed and I think that helped me cope with the trauma of home. I was only fourteen or so when I was doing that shit and I was putting my altered self in some precarious situations, so it wasn't the best decision for me to make. But. Maybe it wasn't the worst either.
Anyway.
Now the drugs I'm taking are all legal and boring and don't give me the same weighted blanket feeling. What they give me is a heap of gut issues which isn't helping my attitude any. Before gabapentin and cymbalta, taking my fantastic morning dump was the best thing I had going for me. Now I have to do stomach science all day long and I feel either queasy and gurgly or backed up and heavy. Or both on those extra special days. Fuck me.
And I am trying so hard! I have never been so in tune with my body as I am right now. Well, except for all those times I dropped acid and was in tune with all creation, but that only counts for so much. I mean, acid.
I actually miss doing psychedelics. It felt like what I've read some folks feel when they're under a weighted blanket. I can recapture that feeling sometimes with meditation and blah blah blah but I am pulled out of it so easily. I did acid a lot when Dad was paralyzed and I think that helped me cope with the trauma of home. I was only fourteen or so when I was doing that shit and I was putting my altered self in some precarious situations, so it wasn't the best decision for me to make. But. Maybe it wasn't the worst either.
Anyway.
Now the drugs I'm taking are all legal and boring and don't give me the same weighted blanket feeling. What they give me is a heap of gut issues which isn't helping my attitude any. Before gabapentin and cymbalta, taking my fantastic morning dump was the best thing I had going for me. Now I have to do stomach science all day long and I feel either queasy and gurgly or backed up and heavy. Or both on those extra special days. Fuck me.
