This Is The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

[celeste_noelani]

I write another post about the complicated jumble inside my head and I pause. Do I really want to blog about all of this garbage?

Well, no. I absolutely do not.

I don't want to admit all of the stuff that I admit here. But it's more than that, of course. I don't want to have these thoughts, these feelings, to admit to.

I don't want my kids to have a mom who gets depressed. I don't want my husband to have a wife who disappears. I don't want to cajole myself into not giving up, into fighting back against my own brain, into staying present when I'd really rather disappear.

I don't want to be mentally ill.

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