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Oct. 23rd, 2014
Friendships are difficult
Oct. 23rd, 2014 12:40 pmI'm in that "isolate yourself" mindset lately, internally pulling away from everything because everything feels so futile. Waste of time. So I'm trying to do the opposite of what my depression brain is telling me and reach out. I had lunch with a friend today and it was marvelous. When I met this person, I didn't really think I'd like her as well as I do now. She seemed so ridiculous. I mean, she *is* ridiculous but I realize how much I appreciate that about her. Also, we have really good conversations about a lot of things in just an hour and a half.
Yesterday I hung out with a mom from Iliana's hula class. We know a lot of the same people and she lived in Kailua (close to where I grew) up and went to high school at the Catholic school I went to for K-8. We graduated the same year and know the same people from school, even though we didn't actually go to school together. I actually used to know her husband in high school. We traveled in the same Hawaii punk rock scene circles though I was super not "in" the scene and he was. Anyway, we all have these multiple connections and it was really surreal to see them at hula. Also, cool. And I finally hung out with her outside of hula class, and our daughters played together so well. It was awesome and really rewarding.
And now I'm in a "too much social interaction" sugar crash and I just want to sleep for a year. Talking to people is tough. But I am seriously forcing myself to talk to people right now because I'm doing the opposite of what my depression is telling me to do. It's a useful strategy for fighting this particular manifestation of depression, but it's exhausting.
I don't really know how to just be friends with people. I mean, of course I do because I do have friends, but it always feels so weird to me for that period in between getting to know you and accepting you like family and putting up with all of your irritating quirks because I am never leaving you. You know? I want a lot of people in that inner sanctum so to speak, but it takes time for people to cross that threshhold and for me to cross other people's as well. I know that sounds like so ridiculously obvious and like DUH YES THIS IS HOW FRIENDSHIPS WORK but all I am saying is that I am really not good at this part and I want to cry. But I don't want to cry because crying hurts.
Blah blah blah brains are so infuriating sometimes. Like, just get it together and talk with a person! This is literally how human beings have become so successful a species! You can do this! Social interaction is not going to kill you, self!
Why can't we just all tweet at each other forever?
Yesterday I hung out with a mom from Iliana's hula class. We know a lot of the same people and she lived in Kailua (close to where I grew) up and went to high school at the Catholic school I went to for K-8. We graduated the same year and know the same people from school, even though we didn't actually go to school together. I actually used to know her husband in high school. We traveled in the same Hawaii punk rock scene circles though I was super not "in" the scene and he was. Anyway, we all have these multiple connections and it was really surreal to see them at hula. Also, cool. And I finally hung out with her outside of hula class, and our daughters played together so well. It was awesome and really rewarding.
And now I'm in a "too much social interaction" sugar crash and I just want to sleep for a year. Talking to people is tough. But I am seriously forcing myself to talk to people right now because I'm doing the opposite of what my depression is telling me to do. It's a useful strategy for fighting this particular manifestation of depression, but it's exhausting.
I don't really know how to just be friends with people. I mean, of course I do because I do have friends, but it always feels so weird to me for that period in between getting to know you and accepting you like family and putting up with all of your irritating quirks because I am never leaving you. You know? I want a lot of people in that inner sanctum so to speak, but it takes time for people to cross that threshhold and for me to cross other people's as well. I know that sounds like so ridiculously obvious and like DUH YES THIS IS HOW FRIENDSHIPS WORK but all I am saying is that I am really not good at this part and I want to cry. But I don't want to cry because crying hurts.
Blah blah blah brains are so infuriating sometimes. Like, just get it together and talk with a person! This is literally how human beings have become so successful a species! You can do this! Social interaction is not going to kill you, self!
Why can't we just all tweet at each other forever?