My tweets

• Wed, 15:24: Back from the doctor with prescriptions. Toddler has rash, not a UTI. Also, stepping up on our anti-constipation efforts. Exciting, huh?
• Thu, 11:33: OMFG that kid is picking his nose and wiping "it" on the couch. And it's not even the toddler! #teenagers
• Thu, 11:34: Am now being worst Mom ever by making him pause the movie he's watching so he can clean up his damn boogers. SO EFFING GRODY.
• Thu, 11:35: Am being EVEN WORSER Mom for making him actually have to answer my questions, rather than just think them at me.
• Thu, 11:37: Ask him if he does stuff like this at his dad's house. He scoffs, says "NO WAY." I ask why. "MY DAD WOULD GET MAD." Dude, I'M MAD RIGHT NOW.